I was asked why don’t they speak out and tell their stories
May 14, 2009
Recently the question was posed as to why, if there are 12 million adults in America who spent time in the foster care system, why don’t they share their stories with the public? My response: “I don’t know that anybody has asked them!”
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8 Responses to “I was asked why don’t they speak out and tell their stories”
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When you have movies like “America” and all the bad publicity of being a former foster child, why would you want to talk about it? I mean other children shuned you and as you can see most of the children had bad experinces so why put ourselves out there to face more ridicule? People are not as open as they like to pretend. Foster children are just a number in the system, more times than not you are just happy if you are able to fade into the background and escape notice.
I think there is still a lot of stigma and fear. I was fired from a job because the owners son made negative comments about some baptist foster home in Alabama and they donated money to them. I said; I was a former foster kid and that I wasn’t going to rob them. That Friday was my last day. I always kept that fact secret even amongst those I went to high school with. I never told anyone in church. Only until recently have I begun to speak out. That is primarily because I have a lonely job where they bosses only care about performance and safety.
The simple answer is fear of losing a job or losing friends that you have made. John
I was a foster child in the 80′s and not much has really changed 28 years later. Whenever people found out I was a “Ward of the State” they would always comment “What did you do?”. I soon learned to omit that little piece of history from my life. Only my closest friends know about my life as a foster child. I got tired of explaining that being placed in state’s custody was something outside of my control. I now go into group homes and shelters on a volunteer basis to speak to the foster children (especially those that are about to age out) and let them know that there is life after fostercare. That you can be successful.
The stigma and fear will change when more and more former foster kids who have become successful in the eyes of society come out and speak their truth. When recognized for their successes. Then maybe society as a whole will accept former foster kids as productive and responsible citizens with real value.
Each foster child today must stay focused on the future that they hope to want for themselves. Do well in school and go to college and obtain advanced college degrees.
Each foster child can be that good apple that falls far from the bad tree. Never repeating what has been done to them onto their own children. John
Thanks to all of you for sharing. It wasn’t all that long ago when divorce was considered taboo and society assumed if you had that label you were a misfit person with serious problems. People began telling their stories and soon the public started to understand the truth and view these people differently. Judgment is mostly about ignorance and ignorance stems from silence. I’m truly appreciative to those silent warriors who are helping educate those who are ignorant.
I just remembered some of the foster homes and shelter homes That I was in. When you first arrive. you have to listen to their rules. One rule was. Do not tell your bad and dangerous parents where you are. Do not tell anyone at school. For your safety and protection. Those things are very important.
Once you age out of the system. You will need to decide who to tell about your childhood. Some will be accepting and others may not be so accepting. Telling your story about your experience in the foster care system is important for everyone else who follows you. Whether you had a good and loving experience or not. You should tell your entire story. So, that those who are in authority may see what has worked and what has failed. Then hopefully they will take the necessary actions to maintain that which is good or end that which is bad.
Changes in the foster care system will not happen when the overwhelming majority of former foster kids keep silence about their life in foster care and the reasons why they were placed into the foster care system. C.J. MacKechnie
You make some very good points in your comment John.
Thank you!
I think is great that you are giving back and passing on words of encouragement to foster care kids! Keep up the good work Mikki!