Random Thoughts From Childhood-Dark Clouds Building
June 27, 2009
Dark Clouds Building
I was gliding into fall and ready to start the first grade. A few weeks before school was to start, my brother and I were taken to the office to meet someone. The adult with us opened a door and asked us to enter. As I stepped through the door, there standing on the other side of the room was my little brother and sister. I’ll have to confess that I actually found this to be very awkward. My little brother was playing with toys and my sister just staring at my brother and me. I really did not know what to say and was simply confused as to the meaning of the visit. We only got to spend maybe 45 minutes and then we were asked to leave. I know the visit was to serve as some kind of therapeutic type meeting, but for me it had the opposite effect. Up to this point at Ivy House I was so busy adjusting and goofing off that I really had not given the family separation a lot of thought, but after meeting my sister and brother briefly, it became a reminder of what I had lost. This was the beginning for the internal struggle and loneliness that was going to grip and control me for the foreseeable future.
All the kids at Ivy House waited in front of the office to catch the bus to school. I boarded the bus and grabbed the first seat available and took in the city sights on the way to school. I was scared as I entered the classroom and took my seat. So many firsts for me in such a short time frame, it was all I could do just to try and function normally. Somehow I made it to recess and right away there are some kids making fun of me. How is it that the school kids know my predicament? I told no one and it seems the kids already know! The first dig thrown out was “Don’t you have a mom or dad?” and “You have no home.” And as if the first day could not get any worst, a group of older kids take my lunch ticket! Dam, I hate school! I dreaded recess and tolerated class time. My first day came to an end and I was glad to board the bus. I could not wait to get back to Ivy House.
In the days to follow, I started to ramp up emotionally and had great difficulty controlling them. I soon realized I did not control my emotions, but instead they controlled me! I’m not sure what triggered the first event. I just started tipping tables and chairs inside cottage one and was grabbed by Paul, the acting house parent that day, and could see his lips moving, but could not hear what was coming out of his mouth. I pulled away and ran out the front door. Paul and the rest of the kids followed. Paul chased me around the front lawn, but I kept weaving back and forth and he could not grab me. At one point he slipped and fell. All the other kids where egging me on and laughing. I became tired and headed for a large tree. I used the tree like a squirrel would do and kept circling it to keep Paul at bay. I was out of breath and decided to climb the tree to get away. Just as I grabbed the first branch and went to pull myself up, Paul grabbed my leg and yanked me down. I was thrown over his shoulder and taken back to the cottage. All the other kids were hooting and hollering as I was taken inside. Paul headed down the hall and I thought he was taking me to my room, but instead took me into the bathroom and placed me in the shower and turned on the cold water. (This would not be my last cold shower) I was told not to come out until I calmed down. After a few minutes, I turned the cold water off and Paul escorted me to his office at the front entrance of the hallway. I was asked to explain myself.
Mat's Memories From Childhood
I was at a huge disadvantage. I did not know how to express what was going on with me. I mean, dam! I only have been speaking for maybe four years and was far from mastering the English language. On top of that, I had speech impairment! So I did what only I could do, I shrugged my shoulders and stared at the ground. I was given permission to leave and headed down to my room to get dry clothes. The beast within had shown its self and was a prelude for things to come…..
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3 Responses to “Random Thoughts From Childhood-Dark Clouds Building”
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Even with all that is against foster kids today and back then. We have had to adapt and overcome each and every unknown situation that seem to just explode into our lives. Yet , we all have to decide if we will become that better human being that every says we are not or use that as an excuse to take another drink or hit of that drug. Succoming to the belief that we (foster kids) are worthless and undeserving of love. Which is not true. We foster kids have great worth and are very deserving to be loved. A foster kids only crime is that to have been born to bad parents.
I’m so sorry that your memories of Ivy House are so sad. I moved in on November 17,1969, Thursday afternoon, 2:15, an hour before the other children came home from school, Gompers Elementary, with my brother and two sisters. My houseparent was Ms. Ryan, not so nice, but whatever, I was just taken from my mom, again. That’s how vivid that memory is still today. Sounds so bad, right? Not at all. Ivy House was the best thing that could have happened to my family and me, even if we couldn’t see it at the time.
I personally loved it. I met my best friend on the first day in cottage 1, in the girls bathroom, sitting on the floor talking. I had just turned 8 yrs old a month earlier. Thirty-nine years later, we’re still the best of friends. What I got from Ivy House was a new, bigger family, since it held 48 kids, 16 kids per cottage. I remember some kids who had hard times and felt that I somehow had to defend them. My sister and brother fell into that category. They just couldn’t accept their circumstances and were angry and bitter.
Somehow, I grew up very quickly, especially after my best friend’s sister continually told me how I would graduate from high school living in Ivy House. Never would I believe it. “Nuh uh”, I’d say, “My mom said we are going home soon.” After a year I began to tell my brother and sisters that mommy wasn’t gonna take us home because she had no money and didn’t know how to take care of us.
I graduated from high school ten years later, living in Ivy House. We went to all the Jackson 5 concerts, hit Coney Island every summer (xmas in July), and began driving the Ivy house vans and station wagons, after I passed my drivers test at Belmont Police Barracks, at 16 years old.
Not everyone, well very few, had the kind of experience I had growing up in Ivy House. I learned that you better get your education and be self-sufficient, because you can’t depend on others taking care of you. That may sound sad. But my best friend, her family, me and my family, learned how to survive and thrive. I learned not to be a baby mama because you might lose your kids. I also learned how to work, starting with the chores we had, starting out at $.50 in cottage 1 and graduating to $1.50 by cottage 2.
When I left Ivy House, I had saved up $2700.00 from working odd jobs and waitressing at IHOP. I can’t complain, but could see many who could. I guess each person receives the hand they’re dealt differently. Sitting together for breakfast, playing basketball in the gymanasium, playing on the running tree, are fond memories for me. At 17 yrs old, I left for college and so my life goes…
Suzanne it was great to read your post. That goes for any of the Ivy House alumni that have posted a comment to one of my stories. I agree 100% about your assessment of Ivy House. I started looking for information on Ivy House several years ago and found much of nothing. I contacted the Salvation Army in Philadelphia to request an alumni list but, was told there was not one. I got to visit Ivy House about 2 years ago while I was in Philadelphia and it sure brought back a lot of memories. I would love to communicate with any Ivy House alumni to just reminisce about the good times we had and to find out if anyone knows what became of the house parents and/or other kids. If you or any other alumni want to chat, I can be reached at ivyhouse72@yahoo.com.