Random Thoughts From Childhood Series-Changes
July 27, 2009
CHANGES
I sit and contemplate my punishment while I finish my lollipop. Maybe yelling at me or throw in some belt whipping, open hand hits, punching, and finish off with throwing me against a wall. Heck, this is what would happen to me before Ivy House, so these are the ones that come to mind. The room door opens up and two adults walk in. One is male and the other female. The lady was holding a file. I recognize the man, but have not seen the lady before. The man takes a seat on the other side of the room and the lady pulls up a chair and sits down while opening the file she is holding. She begins by politely introducing herself and says she is here to help me. The man sits quietly and never says anything, he just observes. The lady starts by asking me “Why did you try to run away?” She had follow up questions like, “Why do you feel that way?” “How does that make you feel?” “What is it that you do not like about school?” and “What can we do to make things easier?” Other than telling her “I did not like school” and in no particular order, my response with any of the questions she asked was “I don’t know,” “Because” and my personal favorite, shrugging of the shoulders. She seemed to take my responses well. She never raised her voice and seemed to be very sincere. Both adults got up and stepped outside the room. I could hear whispering, but could not make out what was being said. The man re-entered the room and asked me to return to my cottage.
Mat's Memories From Childhood
Ivy house was somewhat structured. What I mean by somewhat, is that Ivy House was not a free for all nor was it run with an iron fist. All of the kids were given some type of responsibility. Each of us had to make our beds in morning, keep our rooms picked up, and had to rotate setting and clearing the dining room table for each meal. Providing we did all our chores, every Saturday we would receive a 50 cent allowance. Additionally, on Sunday’s all of Ivy House would load up in vans and go to church as a group. Then after church we would go back to Ivy House and eat as one large group in the office cafeteria. Furthermore, we were allowed to leave the house grounds to go to local parks and corner stores without chaperons. There were also group activities like flag football where we would play the other orphanages. Whenever there was a parade in Philadelphia or a circus came to town we got to go. There was even a time when Coney Island was opened all day for disadvantaged kids and we got to go and spend the day. Everything from food to rides was free. I guess what I’m saying is Ivy House was as family oriented as you could be for us kids that lived there.
So it should’ve not surprised me that they went to the lengths they did to try and help me. After my whole running away fiasco, I finished out that year in public school. I did not know at the time, but that was going to my final year in public school while I was in Ivy House. The start of the second grade I was place into a private catholic school. While everyone else at Ivy House boarded the school bus each morning, an adult had to drive me and pick me up each school day from my new school. Additionally, to help me with my speech impediment, Ivy House sent me to a speech therapist several times a month, which required someone to have to take me and pick me up. Finally, Ivy House brought in a psychologist that I would meet at the office twice a month. Though all these things Ivy House were doing for me did not have an immediate effect, it showed me that they cared!
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4 Responses to “Random Thoughts From Childhood Series-Changes”
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As I sat here and read Mat’s thoughts. I could not help but to go back to my childhood memories. I too lived and grew up at the Salvation Army Ivyhouse right in cottage 1 with Mat. I remember him and his brother. I also remember the mastered run away. Ivyhouse was not your typical orphanage, and it was basically considered a childrens home. And they did their best to make it a home. I lived there for 10 yrs. Mat and his brother let before I did. When I was coming up I use to be ashamed of where I lived, I use to be afraid to admit to others I was an unwanted child. When I left public school for the day I went to Ivyhouse the other students went home to family. I remember being ridiculed, laughed at and teased. But the truth of the matter is I was privileged. I really had the best of everything. I had people from all facets of life that cared about me that actually were showing me that I was loved and that I could be a child and that everything when all is said and done will be ok. They took us shopping to the major department stores 3 times a year. I spent my summers at summer camp in the Poconos, I got Christmas gifts and believe it or not an allowance. We went to church every Sunday, we had chores, and most importantly we had study hour during the school year. Also went you turn 14 you were able to work a summer job. When you turned 18 yrs of age you had 2 choices because you had to leave there. The choices were either you were going to college or they helped you to get a place of your own. Also when you left IVYhouse you did not leave broke they had established a bank account for you the day you arrived, so you had money saved. I was very sad when I had to leave that was the only family I knew. I was permitted to come back and visit . I was truly hurt when they shut their door for good. And it was then I realized how blessed I was. These people loved and cared enough to make sure I had a childhood, medical care, a beautiful place to live…( little known fact Ivyhouse was 80% glass and we had an olympic size gym that was built for us in 1974) these wonderful people did their best to make sure all 48 of us were able to survive and succed in life. Since that day I have to say I a proud of who and what I am and I am especially proud of how I came up. It was a situation that turned out to be one of the best things that has ever happened to me. And I thank them the Salvation Army Officers, the Ivy house staff especially Tony Toscanno. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. And Matt this is for you I use to have the nick name Ajay.
Adriene, wow great to hear from you and thank you very much for your comment. If you would like to get in touch and email directly with Mat, please send me your email address and I will pass it on. If you do not want to publish your email, you can email me directly at jennifer@fostercareinamerica.com!
I was six when I was placed in Ivy House in 1976 with my brother 10 at the time and sister age 7. Ivy house was shut down 4 years after I think. It was a nightmare for us. We were abused by staff and other children and neglected by the staff. As a result all three of us are psychologically scarred. I am glad your experience was good but I would like to hear from survivors as well.
I was at Ivy house in 1976 and I left in 1979. I was just moved to cottage 2. I would like to know who you are… My perosonal email address is immsdaniels2u@aol.com please contact me