Random Thoughts From Childhood Series-A Day at the Park
August 16, 2009
Mat's Memories From Childhood
DAY AT THE PARK
I was going into my second summer at Ivy House and my emotional outbursts had diminished quite a bit. However, like a dormant virus it could strike at anytime with no warning. Though I looked adjusted and played with the other kids and would laugh and have fun, I was still a fully operational explosive device waiting to go off. I had no control over the when and where I would explode, let alone know what the catalyst would be to set me off.
It was late summer 1973 and I was preparing to enter the second grade. A group of us younger kids were taken to a local park to spend the day. I removed my shoes and left them at the van and ran off with the other boys to head down to a creek and look for crawfish. We spent sometime over turning rocks and having no luck in finding any crawfish, we headed further down the creek to find a better location. Along the way I found an empty coffee can and decided to grab it, as it would be the perfect holder for my catch. The other kids and I started to lift rocks to expose any crawfish and after a few minutes we hit the jackpot! Every rock we lifted thereafter had crawfish under them and I started filling my can. I think I had ten or fifteen crawfish when I heard the adult that brought us, yell “It’s time to go.” The other boys headed back to the van, but I stayed back and continued to look for crawfish. Sometime had gone by before I remembered I had to head back to the van. I started to panic because I could not see nor hear the group I came with to the park. In a complete panic, I tried to jump across the creek and came up short, resulting in me landing on rocks that cut into the bottom of my right foot. I glanced down at my foot and saw a long cut that resembled a paper cut, but slightly deeper. I got up and pushed forward climbing out of the creek bed and as I enter the top, I ran into a girl from Ivy House. I recognized her face, but did not know her name. She saw the can of crawfish and screamed! Her automatic response was to swat at the can causing me to drop and loose my catch. I picked up the can and stared at the girl for a few seconds, though it seemed longer, and in a fit of rage, I swung at her forgetting the can was in my hand. The can struck her in the forehead. She dropped to the ground with her hands covering her forehead crying. I started screaming at her and running and jumping up and down around her like a maniac and even kicked dirt on her.
As this was going on, I had this sensation like I was outside my body watching the event unfold. I knew what I was doing was wrong and felt like there was two of me, one bad and one good. I wanted to stop, I really did, but the good me could not control what was before it! I felt completely out of control…. I so regretted hurting this girl, I really did!!! This episode had a major impact on me and forced me to try and deal with my behavior issues. So much so, that this would be the only time I ever attacked anyone while in Ivy House…
I suddenly snapped out of my rage. I took stock of the moment and quickly threw my can back into the creek. The wrong of this whole event hit me like a Mack truck! I panicked and dropped to all fours and began to crawl my way to the top of the bank dragging my right foot as I ascended. For good measure, I began to cry. This made it look as though I was really injured and hurting. This helped hide my shame of how I just reacted and treated this girl.
I don’t really remember what became of the girl, but I was taken back to Ivy House and had my foot cleaned and was told that I had explaining to do. I was taken to the office and placed into a room. An adult came in and said I would be meeting with a special person tomorrow and told to go back to my cottage. I headed back to the cottage looking down at the ground in shame and wondered who this special person was that I was to meet….
Comments
Got something to say?
