Random Thoughts from Childhood Series-The Visits

September 22, 2009

Mat's Memories From Childhood

THE VISITS

There were several types of visits from family members while in Ivy House. The first one involved a family member coming to Ivy House and meeting in a cottage. I don’t recall ever having one myself with an adult family member at cottage one, but I do remember this one kid having a family member show up. It played out with the adult walking to the cottage and us kids acting like puppies in a pet store jockeying for the best position to get attention. A group of my peers and me performed the bump (a dance in the 70’s) for this one adult. It must have been overwhelming for this adult as she was simply trying to enjoy her visit, but was being pestered like flies at picnic from all us kids.

I do recall several visits at the office with my little brother and sister. The office provided a more private setting to meet and kept other kids out. Each time my brother and I met our younger siblings in a private room with books and toys. We would be escorted in the room and an adult would close the door leaving just us four in the room. This visit was always awkward for me. I never knew what to say or how I was supposed to act or what the meaning of the visit meant. I never knew when the visits would happen which took place only about two or three times while I was in Ivy House. These meetings normally lasted about an hour. The closed door sessions made me feel like a rat in an experiment. Us four kids with the door closed and adults watching through windows. Each one played out the same. My little brother playing with toys by himself on other side of room and I would be staring at my sister while my older brother said “Hey.”

The last type of visit was off Ivy House grounds. If you were lucky enough, I thought, you would get to stay at a family’s house for the weekend. These visits like the rest where never announced a head of time nor did you ever know if this would be your first or last visit while in Ivy House. They could be four months, nine months, a year, or more between each one. There never seemed to be a rhyme or reason for the timing between visits. My brother and I on several occasions got to spend the weekend with our mom. A year had gone by before our first visit with our mom. This was the first time since being place at Ivy House that either of us got to see or speak to our mom. I was extremely excited to see her the first time and thought my brother and I were going home for good.

We got to her small apartment, shown our room and then we plopped down to watch TV. She went into the kitchen to make us a meal. She came out and sat between us and started to cry. She told us how much she missed us and how she was going to get us out of Ivy House. At this point, I thought my brother and I were done with Ivy House and figured she had miss spoken about getting us out. I was kissed on the cheek and she headed back to the kitchen. I spent the rest of the day swimming in my excitement of being home. I went to bed that night feeling on top of the world. Sometime during the night I left my room and climbed in bed with my mom. The next morning she made us breakfast and the three of us sat and ate together. As the day wore on my mom’s demeanor changed from happy to hostile. She started making comments about how Ivy House was not taking care of us properly, how we were dressed in rags, and how Ivy House would not let her have us. Then the bomb shell! Pack your stuff because I have to return you to Ivy House. I start crying and ran back to the bedroom. My head is spinning and I’m flooded with emotions. I don’t understand! My mom became short and yelled at us to get our stuff. Suddenly all these questions started running through my head. Why do we have to go back? What did we do wrong? Do we have to go back? Then the anger kicked in and my thoughts turned to my Mother. Don’t you love us? Where have you been since we got to Ivy House? Why have you not visited or called us in Ivy House? Why would you send us back? I said nothing! I grabbed my stuff and stomped out to the car crying. On our way back to Ivy House, she stated that she would get us out of Ivy House by next weekend. She dropped us off at the office and I stood there crying as she drove down the street. I ran back to cottage one and headed to my room. I cried myself to sleep that night. The next morning the emotional pain stilled lingered, but it was offset by knowing we would be going home for good by the end of the week.

The week flew by and with great excitement I started telling the other kids how I was leaving for good on Saturday. My trash bag was packed and I waited by the main doors of cottage one looking out the pane glass windows for my mom. I was so excited that I could barely stand still. The morning dragged into lunch, but I refused to eat because I did not want to miss my mom walking toward the cottage to get me. By late afternoon I sat on the floor next to my belongings and had a strange feeling that she would not show. A house parent walked by and patted me on my back and said it would be OK and then continued to his post. It was dinner time, but I did not feel like eating. I picked up my bag and dragged it back to my room and cried myself to sleep. This same example played out several more times while I was in Ivy House. I know that my mom meant well and sincerely believed what she was saying, but at such a young age I saw things very black and white. That meant she lied and could not be trusted! My brother and I were alone again! I’m not sure the emotional high of each visit was worth the wrenching pain I felt each time this saga played out. After each off grounds visit I would go through the same emotional bombardment as I did the first time I was placed in Ivy House. A matter of fact, I believe it would have been much less disruptive to me if the off grounds visits never happened. However, I guess I should be thankful for the ones I had because many of the other kids never had this opportunity…….

Random Thoughts From Childhood Series-All for One, One for All

September 9, 2009

ALL FOR ONE, ONE FOR ALL

Mat's Memories From Childhood

My brother and I left Ivy House grounds to go goof off and play down the street. We were on our way back and in sight of Ivy House when suddenly the both of us are confronted by three boys acting very aggressively. The boys surround us and ask for our money. Neither of us had any money and told them so. They proceeded to call us liars and pushed my brother. I turn and look towards Ivy House and see a group of about seven boys heading in our direction. I think “Oh crap” we are really in trouble now and just as I finish this thought, the three boys start to back down and distance themselves from us. I think “Here is our break and I’m ready to make a run toward Ivy House.” I hear the large group of boys yelling at the three that where near us to leave us alone. As the group got closer, I realized the group where from Ivy House. The three boys ran off and some from the group ran after them briefly to simple make sure they left. The group asked if we where okay and my brother and me responded “Yes.” One of the boys said he saw the three boys approach us and figured they were trouble and rounded up a group to make sure we where okay. They were older boys from cottage three and I heard one of them say “If you mess with one of us from Ivy House, you mess with all.”

I’ll have to say that hearing that made me feel empowered and proud. This was the first time I had any peers come to my defense. I realized that all of us kids at Ivy House were a part of “something” and that “something” whether good or bad was going to unfold and reveal its self over time and that I simply was along for the ride. I was also struck by the fact that it’s just not about me, but about all of us kids at Ivy House. It did not matter your ethnic back ground, gender, or circumstances that brought us together. We all had the same thing in common; the place we called home. For me, I felt the other kids staying at Ivy House were like additional brothers and sisters and we had a common bond. The bond was that we all knew what it was like to be without our families and never knew when or if we would ever see them again…..

September Face of a Foster Care Graduate – Channelle Lewis

September 1, 2009

Our September feature comes to us from Atlanta, Georgia. She is a former foster care Supervisor for the state of Georgia and a single mother of seven, four biological and 3 adopted out of the foster care system. Channelle is founder of CCL Cares, a nationwide consulting organization that advises, inspires and speaks to young people facing difficult issues, teaching them creative ways to overcome adversity. Please welcome Channelle…….

Name: Channelle Lewis

State: Georgia

Occupation: Founder of CCL Cares, Inspirational Speaker

Website: www.chanellelewis.com

Marital Status: Divorced

Favorite source of inspiration: Sharing her story and demonstrating the incredible power of the human spirit to overcome anything!

Favorite inspirational book: Oprah Winfrey- I Don’t Believe in Failure

What you can see in this photo is the very lovely Channelle - What you cannot see is that she carried a mighty weight of adult issues on her tiny shoulders

I was raised by my single mother, who during my childhood became an alcoholic. This would lead to me being abused and neglected. By the time I was 13 years old, I had to deal with my mother’s drinking, my father was in prison for two different murders, all of my grandparents had passed away, and I had been molested by both a family member and a close family friend. All of this would set the path for me being arrested and placed into the foster care system. A year later, the court would terminate the parental rights of my parents and I became a ward of the state.

Despite the obstacles that my childhood produced, I was determined that I would make something of my life. At the age of 21, I became pregnant with my first child. It was at this time that I decided to go to college. And while attending college, I would give birth to my second biological child.

In May 2001, I earned my Bachelor’s of Art Degree from Norfolk State University. After I graduated, I moved to Atlanta, Georgia, where I started working for the State of Georgia as a Social Worker. The father of my children would end up following me to Atlanta. Soon after his arrival, we ended up getting married.

I would go on to give birth to two more children during our marriage. After suffering years of sexual abuse as a child, I discovered the man I married had a secret. He was a convicted child molester. I immediately ended my marriage. After the marriage ended, I set out to fulfill a lifelong dream – to adopt a child in need of a family. I have since adopted three older children from the foster care system.
I am also taken care of one of my former foster sister’s children.

A true Inspiration, leading my miraculous example.

A true Inspiration, leading by miraculous example.

For most, the obstacles that I have faced would be enough to give up. However, despite my life challenges, I have gone on to not only survive, but also excel in my life. I now share my story and lessons learned with audiences of all ages in hopes of inspiring others that they too can succeed.