June 2011 Face of a Foster Care Graduate – Opal Morland

June 5, 2011

Dare to Dream
I am a graduate. Oh you may think that I am telling of high school or college but I am referring to my time as a foster youth seven to 10 years old. My time in the foster care system lasted about three years. I was afraid, ashamed, and never spoke about it to others. I didn’t want to hear whispers, be pitied, or tell others that my family was not functional.
I have decided to share my story because so many perceive foster kids as trouble with a capital T! Today, I am a successful wife, mom, grandmother and hula teacher. Hula teaching is my love and I share it to help bring awareness to needy kids and families.
I always wondered why God let this happen to me. I mean being a foster kid. Well I now believe I was given a gift and I have been in training my entire life so that I could help and inspire others. Not just foster youth but foster parents our community and anyone interested in helping kids. You see I have had a dream since seven years old to be a mom. I always knew that I would marry a wonderful man with dark hair and blue eyes; of course I didn’t know he would be bald now. I am just teasing because he is the first to laugh when I joke about him.
Our children include biological and foster/adopt children. I tell this because I want everyone to know that even though I did not conceive some of my children they are all our kids. We love them equally and I want society and most importantly our children themselves to know there is no shame in where they come from. As a parent I want them to be all that they can be and to follow their dreams. Most importantly, I want our children to respect and love who they are and what they can be. I want them to be able to share without fear of being condemned or ridiculed over something they had no control over.
I as a foster child was first afraid the day we were taken into custody. Nothing was explained to me and the fear of the unknown can make you go inside yourself. Next, I was fearful that kids in school would find out and I would not be accepted. But I was mostly fearful because I was the eldest of three siblings and I thought we were not going to be together. That is exactly what happened. When we were first taken into custody I didn’t know they put the boys in a separate area. I was going crazy not knowing where my little brother was and my sister was in a different section because of her young age. They did let my sister stay with me because she would not quit crying but I still did not know where our brother was. I finally found out recently, 40 years later, that he was having an adventure because he was with boys and not with his silly sisters!
Besides my family, one of my most proud accomplishments is my hula class. These are young men, women, kids and seniors helping to bring awareness to foster kids and families. Together we are a team helping others. It is such a joy for me to be able to teach my students the love of hula dance and love of others. I am so blessed with students who want to give back to our community. These past five years we have danced for cancer, abused children, the homeless shelter, made blankets for the Linus project, and brought joy to our seniors living in skilled living facilities. One of my most fond memories was sharing hula with young women held in custody at a Sheriffs detention center. We were very moved and proud that we could expose these young women to something they had never seen before. It was reported back to us that the Sheriffs detention center did not have any trouble with these young people for weeks after. I believe we only do what we know or have been shown to do. One of my own dancers told me after the performance that she was on the same path and that when she joined us it changed her life and lifestyle. I am very proud to have made a difference in her life.
Recently, my hula students came up with the idea to host a Summer Luau Event to raise funds for foster children. We are working together with our community to help make life a little better for foster kids, adopted kids, kinship families and groups that support needy kids and families. Our class is making a difference and I am very proud of how far we have come.
I guess I was inspired by God. I truly believe in the Almighty and trust that he has given me direction and that I am in the place I am supposed to be. While I was a foster child I felt abandoned but we were lucky to get a loving Christian foster family. I never really knew God until I went to church and got saved. I felt reborn and new. I was too young then to know His power but if you believe and trust with all your heart miracles can happen.
Sometimes terrible things happen to us in life. But we do not have to be consumed by them. Every one of us has the right to choose who we are and what we will become. We are not perfect and will make mistakes. The trick is to forgive ourselves and others so that we can move on. Life is not perfect but we can overcome all and be a better person. Let’s teach the world that a foster child is a gift and a graduate of unforeseen circumstances and that with the help, support and love of our community we can improve our lives and the lives of others. We are just people all shapes, ages, colors and sizes and each of us are unique with a special gift to offer.
I would like to end with a promise that you are in charge of who and what you become. Believe in yourself even when you think no one else does. Don’t be afraid to dream your dream no matter how big or small. Just go for it! We can be anything and we are only limited by our own imaginations…

Opal Morland
Graduate

April 2011 Face of a Foster Care Graduate – Donna Maddox

March 31, 2011

A Message to children currently in foster care

Hmmm, where to Start? I just want you to know that the real meaning behind this is NOT about ME! It is to encourage YOU! I have been where you are, if you currently are in the foster care system, or where you have been if you have aged out of the system. You do not have to be a victim of your circumstances. I thought and believed that for a long time and it didn’t get me anywhere. I used to feel sorry for myself, and wondered why me? Why can’t I have a “normal” family? Then one day something powerful hit me and I started to think differently. I came across this quote that I love (author unknown).

“ Life is like photography, we develop from our negatives”

I started to apply that thought process to my life and wow, how it helped! Instead of feeling sorry for myself I started to be thankful even in the bad stuff!

I was born to an alcoholic and drug addicted mother and so my life was very unstable! I was in and out of foster care from the age of 5 until I aged out at 18. I saw things that most people would have only seen on television. One night, my biological mom was so drunk that she took an empty wine bottle and smashed it over my Aunts head! She would leave me alone and in charge of my younger siblings from the age of 5 while she went out to get her fixes. I was teased relentlessly from other kids for the clothes that I wore, but the truth is I was lucky to have any clothes at all since my mom spent all of our money on her fixes. Instead of buying us the things we needed, she would take us to the store and tell us to stuff clothes down our shirts saying that this way she would not get in trouble for shoplifting. We would go through the same routine with food, having to steal it because she sold her food stamps for drug money. Most kids do not have to wonder about how to get clothes to wear, food in their stomach, or if their parent is coming home, which was all in a typical day for me. To this day, drugs are still my biological mom’s first priority. I remember one time when she was getting ready to go out to the bar and my baby brother was crying. She was angry and took the iron and ironed his whole arm up. He ended up with 3rd degree burns. Episodes like that were not unusual, she was crazy while on drugs and angry while off them. I had to be a protector for my younger siblings, even though I was only in Elementary school myself. Our life with her was very much like walking on eggshells all the time.

In some ways I, being an adult now am thankful that I did see that stuff. I really believe that seeing those things prevented me from following the same destructive path! Those things scared me! Maybe had I not seen the destructive behavior I would have followed the same destructive path that many of my family had been on. I can proudly say that I am in my 40’s now and I have never touched an illegal drug in my life, nor am I an alcoholic. I have come a long way from the days of being in the projects and labeled as a troubled kid. I just want to encourage you that you also can “remove” the labels that you have been given and change all your negative circumstance and have them become positive ones. I am thankful that I can encourage others to know that we can be productive members of society. I have never been in trouble with the law. I have my own business. I have kids that are doing well and have not been in the system! Kids, that are loving and caring, and compassionate people. Kids that have been on the honor roll, have been inducted into the national honor society, and kids that have skipped a grade. Not typical of what society would have thought since I was a “foster” kid. I volunteer time at the schools and at church and have done many things to help with the military, (not just because I am a military spouse) I am thankful that I can give back to the community.

I believe that there are several things that led me to where I am today, first of all I had had a few amazing people in my life that were kind to me and looked past the “label”. I know that many didn’t understand the full extent of my situation because I kept what I could to myself. Of course, what I was unable to hide, they saw as when we had to change out in gym many saw the bruises up and down my back. The why of it all, was not spoken of back then. Now I can share the reason, which was because I wouldn’t smoke pot with my adoptive Dad’s new wife! Most parents would be grateful and praise their kids choosing not to engage in that behavior. I knew the destruction that life style had lead too. I was removed from the situation and my foster care journey began again, this time it was different, I had my high school Guidance counselor in my corner! She reached out to me and wanted me! She had asked my social worker if she could have custody of me! He said no, but that didn’t stop her, she then went to court and asked for custody of me .The Judge granted custody to her. There I finally found love, care and concern! She helped me realize that it wasn’t my fault! I did well while I was staying there, but she was not a certified foster home so my time with her there was short. Over the next four years I went around to numerous foster homes until I reached my 18th birthday, where I then was out on my own in this BIG World, I hadn’t even graduated high school yet, I was even told that I may not get to graduate, I was Like heck! I had not come that far not to get my diploma. My biological Mom had only had an 8th Grade education. I saw how she was on welfare and we lived in the projects and I was not going to follow any of that destructive cycle.

I look back at where I came from and the odds and statistics I have overcome and a lot of that is all because of the decisions and choices I did make. As a child we were innocent victims, but as adults we control our destiny. We can either choose to allow the past to rob us or embrace the obstacles that we have overcome and make those negative things positive. I know that many may judge and I want to tell you to stay far away from those people. Find people that are caring people who accept you for who you are! I was fortunate to have people in Elementary and Jr. High like that who saw beyond my circumstances and were true friends.

Recently on Facebook, I found some of them and it amazed me to hear, “You are the way I remember you! So filled with love”. Many said that they didn’t know what a hard life I had. I didn’t want them to feel sorry for me! I didn’t want to be judged for things that I had no control over! If I can overcome all the adversity that I did you certainly can! Good Luck to you and God Bless!

Feel free to contact me via email declutterbuddy@aol.com. There are wonderful sites like this FosterCareInAmerica.com that offers some great resources and others for you to reach out! Don’t let statistics scare you! You can beat them! I truly believe that you can come from one of the best families and become a “mess” or you can come like me from one of the most messed up families and be a success. It is really up to you what you do with your life, if you make better choices you can lead a fulfilled life. It is all up to you and what path you get on!

There were many people that helped me and have shown me unconditional love and acceptance; Grandpa John and Grandma Toni who love me and my children, without hesitation and I am forever grateful that I am blessed to be part of their family.

To my many friends, you are more like my family. I love you with all my heart and am thankful that I have you in my life as well. To my Children, you have been a huge blessing in my life and I am thankful for each and every one of you!

Article – The American church and adoption

December 30, 2010

The American church and adoption

48 Comments Written by Anthony Bradley December 29, 10:39 AM

How can America have Christian churches and 115,000 orphans? But that is the case, with a sizable group of Christian families in all 50 states and true orphans lingering in foster care year after year. But what would happen if more pastors and church leaders would adopt orphans or model orphan care in their personal lives? Pastors tend to preach and teach about their interests and practices. And American Christians tend to apply the Bible to real life issues after a pastor or recognized leader stirs up interest. So if church leaders would cast a practice-driven vision for orphan care, churchgoers likely would be challenged to participate in one of the most ancient practices of God’s covenant people (Exodus 22; Deuteronomy 14, 16, 24).

If a church considers itself a comprehensively “biblical” one it should foster a culture of adoption and orphan care as a practice of “true religion” (James 1:26-27). Historically, orphan care has distinguished redeemed people from other people groups in the world. In fact, no other religion in the world has made orphan care a normal aspect of spiritual life like Christianity. A God that has made a series of successive covenants to redeem His entire creation through the work of His Son uniquely has positioned His people to put salvation on full display through redemptive acts like adoption.

On a trip to Atlanta last week I was reminded of the adoption problem as I watched a special Christmas edition of “Wednesday’s Child” on the local Fox 5 television. The program profiles orphaned children who have been permanently severed from their families, and over the years there have been about 600 Atlanta children featured but only about half of them have been adopted. The adoption of 300 children is great news, but placements could be better in a city with such a high concentration of large evangelical churches. In fact, Atlanta Christians alone could adopt all of Georgia’s 1,800 true orphans.

I wonder what would happen if Christians thought of family beyond its sometimes idolatrous, biological constraints? My guess is that adoption would become a part of normative church culture. American orphan statistics would plummet. Several years ago I worked in a church where adoption was a part of the pastor’s practice, as well as the practice of the congregational leaders, and it became a part of the church’s culture. Adoption was on display in the pews on Sundays. It was beautiful to witness.

I certainly do not want to make orphan care any type of new legalism, nor a litmus test for church leadership, but I am convinced that orphans will continue to linger in foster care until more pastors and leaders begin to adopt and teach about their experiences. I’m neither a pastor nor a church leader, but if I were, and were married, I’d be, without question, an adoptive parent and this practice would become a regular part of my teaching and, Lord willing, my church’s culture.

I also recognize that every family cannot adopt orphans for various reasons. But the United States only has 115,000 true orphans. Is the American church so dead that we cannot find 115,000 Christian families willing to adopt? Or maybe churchgoers are simply following their leaders?

Youths Aging out of Foster Care Benefit from Mentor Program

December 13, 2010

Mentors, youths aging out of foster care benefit from program

By Tim Gurrister

Standard-Examiner staff

Last updated

Saturday, December 11, 2010 – 7:32pm

Authors

Tim Gurrister

OGDEN — Sometimes they sound like sisters.

They both like Coca-Cola over Pepsi, and are avid readers.

“We both like Lady Gaga,” Bree said. “Some of her songs, not all of them.”

“We like some of her outfits, not all of them,” Catherine adds during a recent lunch.

They also share a love of horror movies.

“Despite what movie reviewers might want to hear after ‘Resident Evil 4,’ obviously there is going to be a ‘Resident Evil 5,’ ” said Catherine.

“She likes horror movies and listens to rock, not country or opera,” said Bree, who then brings up Ozzie Osbourne. “When he talks, you can’t understand him, but he can still sing the lyrics to his songs.”

“Bree’s introduced me to things I wouldn’t have experienced,” Catherine said.

Bree is an 18-year-old “aging out” of state-run foster care; Catherine Conklin is a 2nd District Court commissioner, a judgeship presiding over divorces and protective orders, among other things.

They came together when matched in July under the Mentor Connection program.

Run out of Ogden’s juvenile court, the program is a first in the state hoping to provide a safety net for 18-year-olds outgrowing foster care.

The Division of Child and Family Services had to take the youths, through no fault of their own, from the home of their malfunctioning biological parents.

And now DCFS is losing custody as the youths reach adult age, said Sarah Pomeroy, an administrator with the DCFS Northern Region.

She handles the mentor program, along with Chris Wilson, a 2nd District Juvenile Court official in Ogden.

“Youths aging out of foster care are vulnerable to homelessness, pregnancy, incarceration and other problems — much more so than those aging out of traditional family situations,” Pomeroy said.

“On average, nationwide, youths leave their home at age 24. Ours are leaving at age 18 or 19 with much less support around them.”

“These are kids who are so vulnerable because they’ve been tossed around a lot,” Wilson said, “some since they were very young. But they are also resilient.”

The officials and mentors are banned by privacy laws governing juvenile court, as well as a gag order from the Utah Attorney General’s Office, from talking about the family situations Bree and other teens were in before being rescued by DCFS.

Basically, they can’t go home once they are released from foster care.

“There’s a lot of disconnect, a misconception out there that they are in foster care because they did something wrong,” Pomeroy said. “These are not kids with criminal records.”

The Mentor Connection has run off a very small federal grant the past two years, with 15 volunteer mentors so far coming forward, three groups of five, set up via sessions with 15 teens, most recently in mid-November.

The kids attend an orientation one night, the mentors an orientation another night, then the “matching” gathering brings them all together the next night.

Each 18-year-old sits at a table with three questions to ask the five or six mentors on hand. They sit for four minutes at a table talking individually, then the bell rings and the mentors rotate to sit with another teen.

“It really is like speed dating,” Wilson said. “It’s a great ice-breaker that way.”

The youths then confidentially list their top three choices, and Pomeroy and Wilson go from there to match mentors to the youths.

“So far, they’ve all matched themselves,” said Pomeroy, meaning each teen was matched with one of their three finalists.

The only thing limiting the program is time commitment and the number of mentors.

“We’ve got plenty of kids who’d like one,” Pomeroy said. “People are busy and don’t understand what the program entails.

“But I’m encouraged that we are going to find more mentors. I will say we need more men to match with our males who are in care.”

Funding does not allow for advertising, so mentor recruiting has been word of mouth.

Fellow 2nd District judges and mentors W. Brent West and Mike DiReda talked Conklin into it in July.

“I was trying to find a way to do something more to be directly involved with people and to try to help some folks,” Conklin said.

“It’s been a great experience,” West said, now involved with his second mentee.

His first, an 18-year-old girl, graduated from Ben Lomond High School under his watch, earned a letter in athletics, and is attending Weber State University. He’s now mentoring the girl’s younger brother.

“It’s a friendship I’m sure I’ll have for the rest of my life,” DiReda said of his experience. “My mentee knows he can call me any time.”

Shane and Patty Rose, who run their own consulting businesses in information technology and accounting, respectively, are also matched with their second “mentee,” as Patty, Conklin and others, call the teens.

The mentors said including the teens in holiday gatherings is a highlight.

“Our current mentee has graduated from high school and is living on her own at 17,” said Patty Rose. “She is super busy, has two jobs, and we keep in touch mostly through text messages.

“Texting works bests with teens,” Rose said, laughing. “She is so on the ball and directing her own life, we have mainly been getting to know her and just hanging out when our schedules permit.”

Rose said mentors work as counselors, not taskmasters.

“To be a friend, a shoulder, an ear, whatever,” she said. “It’s not about giving advice, it’s about being there with them. If they seek advice, we’ll give it, but we don’t want to come off like another nagging adult parental figure.”

Mentor Connection is the brainchild of the late 2nd District Juvenile Judge Kathleen Nelson, who died suddenly in August from complications from a fall.

“She massaged us into starting this program,” Wilson said. “We’d have nothing if not for her. It’s her legacy.”

“I get emotional talking about Judge Nelson’s passion for this program,” Pomeroy said. “She saw the potential in those kids every day.”

Bree was selected by the officials as the media subject, one who would do justice to Nelson’s faith.

“That match was just perfect,” Pomeroy said of Bree linking up with Conklin. “The sky’s the limit for Bree. But I’m not sure if she sees that. She’s an amazing young lady who has overcome a lot.”

Bree just needs to finish her high school diploma before Conklin can take her apartment hunting.

“I don’t know if Commissioner Conklin knows this, but Bree said of the matching, ‘As long as I don’t get matched with any sort of judge, because I don’t like judges,’ ” Pomeroy said.

“We razz her about that. She just says, ‘She’s not a judge, she’s a commissioner.’

Foster Care Video Series – Kevin Montgomery Talks about Orange Duffel Bag Foundation

December 9, 2010

Singer-Songwriter Kevin Montgomery is Helping Teens who Age out of Foster Care……..Coming to Oklahoma, December 10!

December 8, 2010

Singer/Songwriter Kevin Montgomery Launches his 50 States in 50 Days Tour and Partners with Orange Duffel Bag Foundation to Help Teens Aging Out of Foster Care and Homeless Youth

For Immediate Release

Nashville, Tennessee – Singer/songwriter Kevin Montgomery announced his 50 States in 50 Days Tour kicking off on October 29, 2010, in Alaska and ending on December 17, 2010, in Hawaii. In partnership with Every Child USA, an awareness and fundraising campaign focusing on education and healthcare for children in poverty, and the Orange Duffel Bag Foundation, a nonprofit offering leadership and life skills training and community connections for at-risk youth, Montgomery’s mission is to play a show in a different state every night for 50 nights in a row and bring light to the epidemic of teens aging out of foster care and becoming the “invisible homeless.” Along the way, Montgomery will blog and videologue stories of those who have aged out of foster care, been homeless as teens or overcame that background. He plans to create a documentary based on the question: “Who was the one person who influenced your life in a positive way?”

Montgomery, who has 15,000 followers on Twitter, 5,000 Facebook friends and 3,500 fans on Facebook, is booking the entire tour using those two social networks. He has also set up a special blog for the tour and its mission as well as a Facebook Group called I Support Kevin Montgomery’s 50 States in 50 Days Tour. Montgomery will be live streaming concerts throughout the tour at certain locations via his channel on Ustream.tv (http://www.ustream.tv/channel/kevin-montgomery-s-50-states-in-50-days). Followers of the tour can track his journey via GPS in real time. The indie artist has built a highly interactive relationship with his loyal fan base by utilizing all the latest tools social media offers.

Montgomery’s father sang and wrote songs with Buddy Holly. His mom sang on Elvis’ “Suspicious Minds” and Bob Dylan’s “Nashville Skyline.”
At 23 Montgomery landed a recording contract in Los Angeles with A&M Records and toured with Sheryl Crow, David Crosby and Peter Himmelman. He eventually moved back to Nashville. He sang on Lee Ann Womack’s I Hope You Dance CD. He also wrote “I Won’t Close My Eyes” featured on Martina McBride’s triple platinum Evolution CD. In April 2000, he packed his bags. He now tours the UK, Europe and Australia extensively. He still hasn’t unpacked those bags, and this marks his third annual 50 States in 50 Days Tour.

Reviewers describe his music as Americana in the Jackson Browne tradition. His most recent album “True,” featured a remake of his father Bob Montgomery’s Patsy Cline classic “Back in Baby’s Arms.” He is recording a new album prior to the tour.

Montgomery will be joined on the tour in Atlanta by Arrested Development and Orange Duffel Bag Foundation Spokesperson Speech, a two-time Grammy award-winning singer/songwriter and co-founder of Arrested Development (www.speechmusic.com ). Speech, who divided his time as a child between a Milwaukee ghetto and suburbia, learned how to give voice to the plight of his people and turned his anger over racism into messages of hope and change. Known for his groundbreaking work on 3 years, 5 months and 2 days in the life of and the international hit Tennessee, Speech has toured with everyone from Vice President Al Gore and Hillary Clinton to Hootie & the Blowfish, Herbie Hancock, Chaka Khan, Youssou N/dour, James Brown, Jason Mraz and The Roots. A devoted family man, Speech recently wrote a book called What is Success?: How to be Successful God’s Way.

Montgomery’s sister Echo Garrett (www.echogarrett.com) is president and co-founder of Orange Duffel Bag Foundation, which provides training based on a book she co-authored called My Orange Duffel Bag with Sam Bracken, who grew up in Las Vegas surrounded by mobsters and motorcycle gang members. His mom abandoned him at age 15, and he kept his homelessness secret from his high school. When he flew from Las Vegas to Atlanta after winning a full-ride football scholarship at the Georgia Institute of Technology, everything he owned fit in an orange duffel bag. The graphic mini-memoir/self help book has an unusual format intended to appeal to all learning styles. It features more than 60 original images by internationally award-winning photographer Kevin Garrett (www.kevingarrett.com) and a free DVD with audio book, the book trailer and 7 videos of Bracken, now a successful executive with FranklinCovey, discussing how he transformed his life. Bracken’s story and efforts through the Foundation have recently been featured on CNN in a segment called Mission Possible, on NBC-affiliate 11 Alive and in The Atlanta Journal-Constitution. Bracken and Garrett will be joining Montgomery on some tour dates.

My Orange Duffel Bag has been named the November 2010 Book Selection by the Pulpwood Queens, the largest book club in the world with more than 3,000 members and 325 chapters across the U.S. and in 10 countries. The Pulpwood Queens/Timber Guys are actively supporting Montgomery’s tour and his mission, and Pulpwood Queen founder Kathy Louise Patrick calls it the “must-read book of the year – The Blind Side-meets-Same Kind of Different as Me.” Patrick, who owns the only beauty salon and bookstore in the nation and runs two popular book blogs, pledged to her social network that she would dye her hair to match the book’s orange cover if 1,000 books sold in the month of June. Patrick, the authors and several other supporters, now all sport orange hair as a result of making that goal.

“We’re starting a movement,” says Mike Daly, chairman of the Orange Duffel Bag Foundation. “We want the orange duffel bag to become a symbol of hope for at-risk youth everywhere.”

To support the cause by attending or hosting a concert in your home state, visit the Road Map at http://the50statesin50daystour.com/the-roadmap/. Get involved by joining I Support Kevin Montgomery’s 50 States in 50 Days Tour on Facebook
http://www.facebook.com/#!/group.php?gid=124130884288402&ref=ts

Media inquiries or Tour Sponsorships:
Kevin@kevinmontgomery.com
or
Echo Garrett echo@seelevelstudios.com 770-977-7509 or c. 404-538-4983
or
Mike Daly MDALY1111@aol.com 770-331-7605

Photos available upon request.

To learn more about Kevin Montgomery’s 50 States in 50 Days Tour, visit http://the50statesin50daystour.com/

An Assessment of Resources to Support Transitioning Youth

November 23, 2010


Open publication - Free publishing - More foster care

Stories told by Former Foster Children – Clemmie Tony Brazil

November 19, 2010

Another amazing former foster child submits story……..

Separated As Kids, Founded by Faith

Date: March 7, 1993

Tony Brazil, is a true hero to his three sisters? No he didn’t save they there, but Tony put theirs and his back together again, against all odds. Until two weeks ago, 25 –year-old Tony Brazil, and his sisters Doris, 26; Christine, 23 and Gloria, 24; had legally separated from each other for the past 12 years. It was painful period in their lives, not knowing if the others needed help, or were even alive. But this Rocky Mount family held out hope through the power of God, and love, that one day they would find each other again.

Despite having both a mother and father when they were young, Tony says family wasn’t what you’d expect. Neither parent was around much, leaving the four young siblings, plus their baby brother Michael, at home alone many times. This almost cost them their lives, when Tony m then 5, set fire to the house one night in 1973. No one was hurt, but not being able to tell the police where their parents were got all five shipped out to foster homes. For years, the siblings moved from one foster home to another, always

Going back and forth to Social Services. But at least they could be together. Foster parents usually wanted babies, so Tony had the most difficult time being placed. But even that experience couldn’t prepare him for what happen 12 years ago. “ On a Monday morning, all five of u shad to go to court, with our mother up on the stand. And they asked her, Do you want (your children)?” and she said, No,” Tony remembers.

With their mother’s rejection, the siblings cried, knowing now that they’d be separated from each other forever. Christine and Gloria were lucky enough to be raised in the same home n Sanford, but the rest would be scattered to different towns, in different counties. Over the years, all of the sibling’s last names were changed when they were adopted, with exception of Tony, who came up hard in foster homes? Letters they would write to each other had to be given to Social Services, who would deliver them, but wouldn’t allow return address. Frustrated, as the siblings grew older, they stopped writing, but never stopped dreaming of finding one another. It was 1987 before Tony and Doris found each other again. She was senior in high school, and pregnant. They always talk about Christine, Gloria and Michael, wondering where they could be, and if they would want to be found. Seven years later last Jan. 14; tragedy struck, as Doris Husband and the father of her two children died of complications from diabetes. She was now a mother alone and she needed Tony more than ever. Doris and I got closer then, because I promised to take care of her and the children. But what prompted me to find my sisters was to make Doris happy, because when a life is taken, something is gained back, “Tony said. So two weeks ago after getting home from his overnight job, Tony couldn’t get to sleep. He heard a voice telling him to get up, and find Christine and Gloria in Sanford. He drove from Raleigh, and spent an hour and a half riding around Sanford, asking people if they knew his sisters. Finally, he found Gloria’s home, and when she drove up with her boyfriend, Tony was waiting, still not sure if she’d want to meet her older brother again after all these years. At first, Gloria refused to believe it was Tony. But when hr reminded her of the nickname she used to call him, “Pumpkin,” she broke down in tears and hugged him. This was her brother. Soon, she called Christine at work to share the joy, and even more tears of happiness were shed when they all went to see Doris in Rocky Mount. I cried for 30 minutes, “ Never thought it would happen” Doris recalls. By press time, Michael now 22 hadn’t been located, but Tony believes they’ll see him in time. There is another sister Nikki Nicole Henderson, daughter of their father by another woman, who will not share in the joy. At 22, she was killed in car accident last year. And as for their mother, even though she’s since seen them all together again, Tony says she refuses to acknowledge what has happened, the pain that they ‘ve suffered, and her responsibility for it. It’s what Gloria says she’s always dreamed of, and now makes her feel complete. That’s why she wrote a poem to her brother Tony. “Tony, you are my hero, no because you found us, but because you never gave up.”

Clemmie Tony Brazil

C.Tony Brazil Jr.

Click here to link to Clemmie’s blog

Stories told by Former Foster Children – Helen Ramaglia

November 17, 2010

Here is another great email from a woman who was in foster care……

“I am a prior foster child, I was the first foster child allowed outside of America with foster parents in 1979 from Charleston, SC. I am a successful prior foster child who made my way without any help from literally no one, just pure drive and hard work. I am a married ex-banker for BB&T, opting to stay home and raise two adopted boys from foster care, whom we recently adopted. I now do speaking engagements for charities, mentor foster children, and am involved in camps for foster children. Below is my current speech and a poem I wrote for my prior foster parents years ago. I am currently working with a producer on my story and am trying to puts my memoirs together for a book.

I’m here tonight as a survivor, a survivor of the foster care system and it’s- a- broken system. I am also a survivor of child abuse. My childhood – is a horror story, a nightmare of unbelievable events that children should NEVER experience, much less live through, all at the hands of a violently abusive alcoholic father. My life has been a VERY difficult journey, but as painful as it has been, I have not allowed it to limit WHO I have become.
I stand before you today to share a JUST A SMALL GLIMPSE of the chaos that was my life before I became Foster Child.
My mother was a beautiful French woman, she was hard working, uneducated and loved her children very much. By the time this woman was 31 years old, her poor little body had all the violence it could take. The years of beatings at the hands of my father had taken it’s toll and she died when I was three years old.
After my mother died my family didn’t want to raise us, my brother, sister and I were 3,4 & 5. They kept my oldest sister who was about 8 or 9 because she could earn her keep. But us little ones – we were too much work. And although they didn’t want us, they didn’t want anyone to adopt us because they wanted to keep the money the government sent every month. So they let anyone, friends, acquaintances, whomever who wanted to parent three little kids have us. We were passed around to about 6, 7 maybe even 8 families before we went lived with my dad.
I was 7 years old when my dad remarried and we went to live with our new family, that was pretty much our first “real family” experience. Dad married a woman named Glenda and she had two boys our ages. Glenda was so sweet and she took really good care of us. Dad held a job, he bought a house for the very first time, he bought a new car, a boat, he was on the volunteer rescue team and was even a little league baseball coach. Believe it or not, my dad was the start to my stepbrother’s baseball career. Many years later Larry, my ex-step brother was drafted to pitch for the Atlanta, Braves. Unfortunately, Larry was tragically killed on the way to spring training. But my dad was the start of his career. This violent alcoholic had become an upstanding citizen.
This wonderful life lasted for about a year and a half. Out of the blue he started drinking again and the violence started again. Glenda left my dad several times. She was so concerned for our safety that she took the three of us with her. But taking us, meant having to return to the same abusive life she left. One day, after having a loaded shotgun put to her head, she knew . . .she- knew- her only way out was to leave us behind. She knew her life depending on taking her two sons and leave behind the three children she desperately wanted to save. This wonderful, good hearted woman had to choose between saving us and living.
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Glenda had been gone for a several weeks when out of the blue my father told us to put on a nice outfit and get in the car. We were now 10, 11 & 12. We didn’t know where we were going we merely got dressed and did as we were told. With violent alcoholics, YOU- NEVER -QUESTION -ANYTHING, you merely - do as your told. So off we headed down the road and after awhile we realized we were going to Tennessee. We weren’t prepared for a trip from Charleston, South Carolina to Knoxville, Tennessee, we only had the clothes we were wearing and nothing else.
My father had been drinking while he was driving and each time we would gas up, he would buy more beer. On one stop he bought beer and each of us one of those little live Easter chicks.
The closer we got to Tennessee – the drunker my dad got – and the closer we got – the colder it got. We were driving up the Tennessee mountains and there was snow on the road -and the further up the mountain – there was ice on the road. We were scared to death, we literally saw down the side of the mountain as dad swerved from side to side. We were so scared that we were too afraid to even make a sound. At one point he almost drove off the side of the mountain, but he swerved and slammed against the other side instead. As my dad got out of the car to assess the damage, another car stopped and a man got out. I felt so relieved to see someone helping my dad, I was thinking we were finally safe, but dad told him everything was fine and he sent him away. As dad staggered back to our car and the man got in his car, he looked at us. You could see the pain in his face as he peered into three sets of terrified little eyes. You could tell he was so afraid for our lives that day. He felt so helpless and so angry that he sat in his car hitting the stirring wheel, afraid we would never make it to our destination.
During the rest of that trip, I just sat quietly, concentrating on my precious little baby bird. This bird was all I really had. I FINALLY had something that loved me. I was talking to God and telling him how I was going to be the kind of mother to this bird that I never had. That I was going to take care of it and love it. He was really hungry and being such a wonderful mommy, I feed him all the way to Tennessee. I was so proud of myself and I smiled, knowing that God must have been proud of me also.
SOMEHOW, – we made it to our destination that day. Dad had driven us to my step-mother’s, Glenda’s, brother’s house, but no one was there, so he decided to just drop us off . He dropped us off in the woods close to their home and headed back home to SC, without us. There we sat, in the woods, cold, hungry wondering what to do with night quickly falling, it was scary and I felt so alone and unloved. We were left all alone in the middle of the woods, no coats, no food, not anything. I started crying, not silent little cries, but sobbing cries. As I sat there sobbing and petting my bird, thinking this is the only thing that loves me, all of a sudden, his belly bursted open and all this food started rolling out. That was it- that was all I could handle. I WAS SO ANGRY AT GOD I started yelling at him. I was asking God WHY- WHY DO YOU HATE ME THIS MUCH? WHY DO YOU HATE ME SO MUCH THAT YOU GAVE ME A LIFE LIKE THIS. I TRY SO HARD TO BE SO GOOD AND I DON’T UNDERSTAND, I MAKE GOOD GRADES, I DO EVERYTHING I’M TOLD AND I NEVER TALK SO I DON’T SAY ANYTHING WRONG. I said NO CHILD DESERVES A LIFE THAT THIS, I AM JUST A LITTLE GIRL AND I JUST CAN’T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU HATE ME SOOOOO MUCH. God . . . . didn’t answer me that day.
It was getting dark and very cold so we walked back to Glenda’s brothers house and decided to break into the house where we ate and went to sleep that night. The next morning they came home to find three little kids asleep in their beds. I was so happy to see Glenda, it was almost like a fairy tale, life was miserable I went to sleep, I woke up and now I’m safe in my mommy’s arms. I loved being with Glenda. We played for awhile and life was so good.
Later that day Glenda told me dad was there to take us back home. She was crying when she told us, she didn’t want to send us back but she knew her life depended on it. When she told me dad was there to pick me up – I started screaming and crying – begging and pleading for her to let me stay – I was saying MOMMY, PLEASE DON’T MAKE ME GO, PLEASE LET ME STAY, PLEASE DON’T MAKE ME GO, I PROMISE I’LL BE REALLY GOOD,– PLEASE, OH PLEASE DON’T MAKE ME GO. PLEASE MOMMY PLEASE LET ME STAY WITH YOU, DON’T MAKE ME GO WITH HIM. They had to tear me out of her arms that day to put me back in the car with THAT MAN.
My Uncle Bobby had to drive to pick us up because my dad was too drunk to drive. We were in his station wagon and dad was in the middle seat laying down, too drunk to even sit up. Later down the mountain, he hollered, “Helen, come here, come sit with your daddy”. I did as I was told, then he reached up and put his hand up my shirt and said, “Oh hell, you don’t have anything.” Then he gruffly told me to go get in the back and he hollered for my sister Vicky. She did as she was told and as soon as he fell asleep she quickly came in the back with me. I knew what was going on, but all I could think about was how grateful I was to “not have anything”. Ironically, three weeks earlier, I was trying desperately to get a training bra because I was seriously afraid I would never have any bosoms because I hadn’t started training them yet. But now I was so thankful. All I could think was I’M SO GLAD THAT’S NOT ME. I DIDN’T FEEL SORRY FOR my sister at all, ALL I COULD ALLOW MYSELF TO THINK ABOUT WAS, I WAS SO GLAD IT WASN’T ME.
After we got back home to South Carolina. I immediately went to visit my friend next door who had cerebral palsy. I often visited with Kathy, she was my only friend, because parents don’t let their children play with kids like me. Kathy was also my safe place. When I was there, I was safe, I spent A LOT of time with Kathy. I was visiting with her and crying, I cried all that day. She tried everything to console me, but all I could do was cry. My dad came over to get me, but Ms. Logan, Kathy’s mom, said look at her Leroy, she can’t take anymore. This child can not take ANYMORE!! Let her stay here with us. Finally, he agreed, I never even looked up, I was so disgusted with him. I stayed the night with Kathy and when I went to bed, I was still crying, I couldn’t stop the tears. Kathy said, Come here Helen, come sleep with me. I went to Kathy’s bed and she held me in her arms and I finally cried myself to sleep. That was the first time I ever remembered anyone holding me like that. This wonderful, sweet crippled little girl gave me something no one else had ever given me – she loved me unconditionally. It felt so good. The next morning I woke and I was still crying. I was a 10 years old girl and I couldn’t take ANY more. I couldn’t take any more of my life and I was only 10 years old.
A little later that day there was a knock at the door. The next thing I know chaos yet again. Here I am in my safe place and the next thing you know – two hands broke through the screen door and pulled me through it. A man and my sister ran me down to a car, threw me in and took off. My Aunt Helen was driving so I knew it was safe, but of course I had no idea what was going on. They took the three of us to a youth detention center. They felt so certain that our father would kill us for telling the truth that they kept us locked up for several weeks. They locked us up to protect us from our own father. They had to lock me up, to SAVE me from the one person who was suppose to love and protect me.
And then God answered me – sent me an Angel, he sent my foster parents to keep me safe.
Only though the Grace of God, have I been able to take the HORROR of my childhood and turn it into a DREAM, A Dream for something better for today’s foster children. I want my VISION of hope and healing for these children to become a REALITY. Together, We can rekindle dreams. I know how it feels to be alone – to feel lost—to feel hopeless and to feel helpless. I also know what can make a difference in the life of a foster child.
My passion for the rights of these children has become not only my mission in life, but I truly feel it’s God’s -PURPOSE –for-my- life. I feel that every child deserves to grow up in a family to call their own. I have a family, my family – is my foster family. It was my foster father who walked my down the aisle when I got married, it was my foster mother who sat with me in the bride’s room. My husband and I, we are the proud new parents of two beautiful, sweet little boys adopted from foster care. We are proud to say, we are three generations of fostering. Now how awesome is that?
I am so proud and so completely in awe of a non-profit organization called FaithBridge Foster Care who has taken it upon themselves to FINALLY step up to the plate and do something no one has been able to do since the inception of “fostering”. They have found a way to finally bridge that gap . Just think what my life could have been, if FaithBridge were there to help facilitate my fostering experience.
FaithBridge immerses these forgotten children in as many aspects of social environments as possible to aid them in becoming all they can be. To a foster child, this is huge!! Through extracurricular activities such as karate or ballet classes, not only do children learn to believe in themselves, they learn to master socialization skills. The story I told you was a very small piece of my life. My life was like that EVERY DAY. Learning to master life skills . . . . my life was about mastering survival skills and nothing else – my life – depended on it. Most foster children have a lack of education due to their life circumstances, FaithBridge provides tutoring for these children. And the list goes on and on.
Thank you so much First Baptist Church of Woodstock and FaithBridge Foster Care for giving hope. . . .for finally giving back dreams to these loving, deserving, beautiful, amazing children.
It has taken me over 40 years to find enough self esteem and self confidence to realize my potential. I could have been so much more at such an earlier age if I had an organization like this, willing to help me reach my potential early in life. I could have loved myself much sooner. I could have realized my dreams before today if they had been a part of it. I could have had a deeper relationship with my foster parents if they had been there to help me understand why I couldn’t let anyone close to my heart. Faithbridge would have given us the tools to master life, to master love, and to master family.
Don’t let that precious little bird die in another child’s hands. They don’t deserve that. Help give them the tools . . . . to let it fly. To watch it soar to unimaginable heights. To help them realize dreams they never thought possible.
With your help . . . . . that precious little bird will- never -have -to –die- again.”

“I’ve come a long way. Helen Ramaglia”

What is it that compels us to share our stories?

November 10, 2010

Have I mentioned how much I enjoy reading the stories that get sent to me? Well, it’s true and I LOVE this part of the project above all others. I am honored when I receive an email from a former foster care child (now an adult). Some contacts are just to say; “hello, like your site” or to pass on some general information. Then there are those that are touching, heartfelt and inspiring (biographies really). These are the type of emails that often bring me to tears. The brutal honesty and vulnerability demonstrated are pretty incredible. Some of these emails come from men and woman who have never spoken of their past, not even to a spouse until now. Something on the site (this site) struck a nerve and many tell me that they felt compelled for the first time to share their story. This is when that little voice in my head tells me that maybe I am doing something right here. Of course, not all stories are published, some I keep to myself because telling one person is the first step for many and they are not ready to go on the site just yet. Some feel comfortable having me post their story without a name while others are compelled to share everything.

Something I hear often is that many feel a sudden strong emotion, finding themselves in a place where the inner voice starts to claw at them to make a difference. It is loud and pushes towards a utilization of the challenges faced. We question, we contemplate and we search for a way to give back or pay it forward and make a positive difference for another who may be struggling. This happened to me in early 2007 just before I began working on the creation of this site. I had thought about this project for many years in my head but never really put enough focus on it to get anywhere. Like many procrastinators, I was under the illusion that there would always be next year to make it happen. But as it turns out, 2007 would be the year for me to make it happen. Like being hit with the mother of all wake up calls, I was smacked in the face with the reality that having “a tomorrow” or a next year is not guaranteed. On a day that began like every other, my step father rose out of bed at 6 am to begin his morning ritual of preparing for the work day that lie ahead. His feet hit the floor, he stood up and then quickly fell to the floor. That was his last movement, his time here on earth apparently over without warning. He was 47 years old. This was my MAJOR motivating factor to finally without any more excuses move forward NOW with implementing this site, my way of using my challenging past to make a difference and pay it forward. Thanks to all of you who have shared your amazing journey with me, I remain grateful for your honesty and trust.

Now I cannot end without sharing another awesome email I received…….

“I was in I can’t even remember how many foster homes (getting a copy of my records) due to my bio mom being a drug addict and drunk. I was bounced around and I didn’t even know what a “normal ” family was so the fact that 23 years later, after I have aged out it is amazing that I have a normal life and am a functioning member of our society. I have never been in trouble with the law, I have never been homeless, I have been able to have my own successful business and I have children that have never been in the system (my oldest is even in college to become a DR). Not typical for a child who was “unwanted” In fact I go around and encourage kids that they too can beat the odds of the system. That old saying to the world you may just be one person but to one person you just may be the world is so true! If I can give HOPE to at least one person I want to continue to do that ! I have enjoyed going around speaking and encouraging people that if they Choose the right choices and decisions that they can beat those odds! I am a very proud Mom to 8 children and a military spouse. I am working to network with others, to try to get mentors, (those that made it through the system) and give hope to others in the system that are ready to age out of the system. Kinda like Big Brother , Big Sisters. Thanks for listening”
Donna Maddox

Forever Family

November 9, 2010

Another favorite video about foster care. This one is about an amazing organization called Forever Family. Check out the website: www.foreverfamily.net

Founder of Positive Resistance – Keariene Muizz

November 5, 2010

This is an amazing woman and she truly deserves her work to have a video’s spotlight.

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Video – LCFS – In 1873 it Began with 6 Children in Need……..

November 3, 2010

I am moved by the work of the Lutheran Child and Family Services of Illinois. It is clear from this video that the staff are motivated by a sense of hope.

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